I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
