All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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