i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
