It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
