im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
