I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
