I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
