I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
