Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
