Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
