The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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