they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
