When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
