those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
