I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
