Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
