what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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