I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
