just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
