In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
