Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
