My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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