Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
