There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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