i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
