haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
