Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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