What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
