Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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