I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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