i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
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I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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