i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
