If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
