Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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