I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
