I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
