Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
