My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
