Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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