Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
