I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
