Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
