R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
