I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
