He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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