guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this just has baby written all over it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
