Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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