I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
