I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
