His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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