Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
