I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
