I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
