just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
