Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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