last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
