I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
