i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
