Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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