I accidentally burped into my bong.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
