I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
