why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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