We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she smelled like a LAN party
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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