I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
