I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
