I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
