I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wear drunk well.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
