There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
