Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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