Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
