Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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