And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
