Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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